Back
by calzonamood
Summary: Before Arizona will be ready for her and Callie to have sex again, she needs them to start out a bit smaller... (Canon up until 9x10
1. Chapter 1

Hey," Callie calls softly as she closes the front door, frowning when she sees Arizona crashed on the couch, front against the cushions, one arm hanging loosely over the edge. "You okay?"

Arizona opens one eye and looks up at Callie, only groaning in response at first, not moving in the slightest. "That damn cane," she complains, sighing. "You know, losing my leg didn't prevent me from eventually walking, but that stinkin' thing just might."

She has been doing better and better, with everything, ever since she got the hang of walking with the prosthesis. She's been feeling happier and they've been doing better as a couple. But her now sore, aching back is a sour reminder that her life is always somehow going to be affected by the fact that she only has one leg.

"Your back giving you a hard time?" Callie asks, hating that the ordeals of losing a leg aren't over yet for her wife. Dropping her bag on the floor and sitting next to the prone body on the couch, she places one hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently as she bends forward to kiss a pink cheek.

Again, Arizona simply groans in response.

"I'm sorry," Callie offers in a whisper before leaving one more kiss on soft skin. "I can only imagine how much it sucks."

"Mm, yeah. I'll be able to walk without it soon enough though, right?" There's a slight vibe of irony in her voice.

Callie smiles to herself at Arizona's question, knowing there's doubt behind it, but for her there's none whatsoever. "Absolutely," she says. Reaching down again, she nuzzles her face into soft, golden locks at Arizona's neck. "Until then, I can always give you a back rub," she suggests, one hand already pressing gently into sore, tense muscles.

"Oh," Arizona murmurs in undeniable appreciation. "Mm, that would be good, but you don't have to, you've had a long shift."

"I don't mind," Callie promises, and Arizona doesn't quite realize just how much her wife means those words. Callie sits back up and grabs the hem of her own shirt, pulling it over her head, leaving her with a t-shirt on.

Arizona smirks. "You gonna strip for me too?"

The other woman grins as she places both hands on the woman beside her. "If you want me to," she jokes. She knows they're not there yet, but she feels that they have at least reached a place where they can talk and make jokes (even if only briefly) about it.

Arizona just smiles, grateful that Callie is able to make things feel easy and comfortable between them, considering everything.

Palms and fingers begin massaging a strong, muscular back; softly at first, careful not to make matters worse. Arizona moans instantaneously at the sensation, loving the touch more than she thought she would. She moves her arms, resting them both above her head.

"Good pressure?" Callie asks.

"Maybe just a little harder."

At the request, she presses the heels of her hands into the muscles on either side of Arizona's spine, pulls her hands forward across the muscles and then back down. She keeps working her palms and fingers and knuckles all over Arizona's back through the fabric of the shirt, her heart skipping a beat every time Arizona can't help but moan.

"Mm, that feels amazing," Arizona murmurs drowsily.

Callie smiles. "I'm glad."

It's not just the fact that Arizona can practically feel her muscles begin to relax and the knots being rubbed away by Callie's strong, skilled hands that make her appreciate this moment so much – it's the fact that her wife, whom she hasn't been touched by in a really long time, is now touching her, and it feels good. It doesn't feel the least bit scary or forced. It's all good.

Callie is cautious, but confident. She's missed this so much, this feeling of things being easy between them. Right this moment, it's like nothing was ever hard. As if the plane crash never happened – that's how comfortable and natural it feels.

And it makes Callie brave.

She shuffles behind Arizona, her hands resting flat in the small of her wife's back as she straddles her hips. "This okay?" she asks softly. "Better angle for me."

"It's good," Arizona nods, no sign of hesitation whatsoever, in her voice or in her body.

Callie lets all her weight rest against Arizona's buttocks as she runs her hands up and down her back. She presses her palms and fingers hard into the taut muscles, keeping her movements slow. Reaching the shoulder blades, she pushes the tips of her fingers under the bone, running them back and forth.

Arizona winces, her body flinching before tensing up.

"Sorry," Callie whispers. "I'll be more gentle."

Taking a deep breath, Arizona manages to relax her body. "No," she says. "Well, maybe just one that one spot."

"Okay." Careful fingertips move back up the length of one shoulder blade, stopping when reaching a knot. "Right here?" She runs soft, slow circles around the knot, careful not to press too hard.

Still, Arizona squeezes her eyes shut, hissing. "Yeah."

Callie winces in sympathy, but keeps rubbing nonetheless.

"Ow, ow," Arizona hurries to say, almost reaching back and stopping Callie's movements.

"Sorry, sorry," Callie apologizes, stopping her movements. "Should I just leave it?"

"No. Keep going."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It hurts like fuck but I need it."

"Just don't hit me or anything."

Arizona laughs and, unbeknownst to her, elicits a bright smile from her wife. "I just might," she snickers. "Suck it up."

"Hey," Callie fake complains, "I just might stop this. _You_ won't want to suck _that_ up."

"Alright, alright," Arizona relents, "I'll behave."

Callie carefully works the knot for a little while longer before moving on to the rest of her wife's back, shoulders and neck. As she does, Arizona's shirt slides up a bit, exposing a good portion of creamy, smooth skin. Fingertips ache with want to feel the warmth beneath them and before Callie can make a conscious decision, her hands are flat at the small of Arizona's back, slipping inside her shirt. She runs her hands up the length of Arizona's spine, her touch no longer one intending to soften muscles.

She watches Arizona as she touches her. Her eyes open, and Callie stops momentarily, but Arizona doesn't otherwise move or show any sign that she's spooked. It's almost as if she's waiting, so after a moment, Callie slowly starts moving her hands again, and Arizona lets her eyes droop closed.

She's almost in trance because of how good it feels to have Callie touch her this way. They've kissed, held hands and shared brief touches on the shoulder but they haven't been anywhere near intimate. She's missed it, she truly has, probably more than Callie realizes. But at the same time, the thought of it has been frightening. Her physique is different now, all of her feels different, and having Callie touch her body when Arizona herself barely has felt comfortable touching it herself...

But now, now she feels more like she did before that damn plane crashed into the woods in the middle of freaking nowhere. Now she feels like she actually wants Callie's hands on her, anywhere and everywhere. The last time they tried – well, the only time, really – at Bailey's wedding, she thought she could do it, but she wasn't ready. She wanted to be, needed to be. She was desperate and, in retrospect, foolish. Sex wasn't what Callie really needed from her then, but Arizona was scared that Callie would leave her, so she tried to do the only thing she could think of in that moment.

There was pressure, and maybe that's why it was bound not to work.

This time, there is none. No pressure whatsoever.

Warm, strong hands grab the hem of her shirt and push it all the way up to her neck, and then there is a hot breath against her skin. Callie leaves one feather light kiss right between two shoulder blades. Her eyes are on Arizona's as she raises her head to look down at her, and Arizona's eyes have opened. Hesitating for only two seconds, Callie reaches back down to press her lips against Arizona again, her eyes never leaving her wife's. She wants nothing more than to place kisses wherever she can reach, but she is terrified of pushing Arizona too hard.

She could talk to her, ask what's alright, but she's not sure if that's how Arizona wants to go about things. Instead, she studies her carefully and moves slowly when she places the next kiss. She lingers this time, allowing herself to sigh in contentment and close her eyes. Her hands are settled firmly on Arizona's waist and they haven't moved until now. Her fingers press lightly into Arizona's abdomen, just enough not to tickle.

Raven hair falls down onto Arizona's back, and she shivers from the sensation, goose bumps rising all over her skin. Callie's eyes have closed and she places kiss after kiss all along Arizona's back, her hands starting to move up and down the sides. She stops once to press her nose into the valley in the middle, inhaling the scent of Arizona's skin.

Two hearts beat faster.

Callie can hear Arizona's every breath. They're deeper than normally; heavier, but slow. Quiet, yet still loud.

She decides it's time to slow things down, so she kisses Arizona one more time, right in the crook of her neck, and then burrows her face into soft, blonde curls. Taking a deep breath, she sits back up and starts massaging again.

Arizona's eyes flutter open at the loss of Callie's lips on her skin. She gets it, she really does, and she loves Callie for being careful and not pushing, for being so respectful and considerate. But she doesn't want it to stop, it's way too soon. Even though Callie is massaging her bare skin now, it doesn't compare to the feeling of her lips.

"Callie," she says, but she doesn't know how to continue; how to explain.

Callie looks at her, and freezes. She can't place the look on Arizona's face, but instantly she feels as though she should stop. Run, even. Because she won't be able to stand it if it turns out she pushed too hard.

"I-I'm sorry," she stutters, removing her hands from Arizona's back as if she's been burned. "I didn't mean… I shouldn't have-"

"No," Arizona interrupts. "I'm okay, you didn't… I'm good."

Callie, still sitting dead still, waits; not knowing what to say, not trusting she hasn't done anything she shouldn't have done.

Wordlessly, Arizona lifts her upper body just enough so that she can take hold of her shirt and pull it over her head. Once it's off and discarded to the floor, she reaches both hands back to find Callie's wrists, pulling her forward until her front is against Arizona's back.

Callie rests her head on Arizona's shoulder, unsure of where, or rather how far, this is going. She hasn't felt Arizona hesitate, not even once, but she doesn't allow herself to make assumptions. But the mere possibility that Arizona may want her to touch her more than she already has, takes Callie's breath away.

She feels her hands being placed on the cushion above Arizona's head, and then the other set of hands gently tug at her shirt.

"Can you take this off?" Arizona asks, her voice low and careful, so afraid that Callie might reject her request. It would be unbearable if she said no.

As she sits up and, to Arizona's great relief, pulls the shirt over her head, Arizona smiles and places her arms above her own head again.

Callie, eager to touch the delicious skin in front of her, runs her hands along Arizona's back, across her shoulders and down her arms until she reaches strong fingers, intertwining them with her own. She kisses Arizona's shoulder before whispering, "And now?"

Arizona moans softly as she feels lace clad breasts brush against her back and lips once more pressing against her shoulder. She squeezes Callie's fingers in her own, inching their joined hands closer to her head. And instead of answering Callie, she turns her face towards her, but she can't look into her eyes from the position she's in.

Despite still feeling cautious, Callie moves her face closer to Arizona's until their lips are merely inches apart.

Inhaling, Arizona swiftly takes Callie's lips with her own.

Callie whimpers into the kiss, her breath caught in her throat. If things were different, if the plane crash had never happened, Callie would turn Arizona around, rip her pants off and plunge her fingers into hot wetness. Instead, she tightens her hold on Arizona's hands, kissing her softly, slowly; her heart beating like a drum in her chest. When Arizona parts her lips and sucks Callie's tongue into her mouth, Callie feels as though she might faint.

She stops the kiss and rests her forehead against Arizona's temple, breathless. Closing her mouth, she swallows once, her eyes still shut. She kisses the corner of the lips in front of her. "Arizona," she whispers, the name slipping off of her tongue of its own accord.

If they were to have sex right now, Callie would be the last one to complain. She wants to, she really does, however; it's not about the sex in itself. It's about the intimacy, and the trust that it would require on both their parts. Callie longs for that so badly, for Arizona to trust her completely again, to trust their bond and to trust herself.

Equally, Callie needs to trust that Arizona knows what she can handle; to know when she's ready.

Arizona doesn't say anything. Instead, she starts to turn her upper body, which finally allows her to look into Callie's eyes. And as if on cue, they open, revealing so much love and warmth.

Fingers untangle and Arizona keeps turning, forcing Callie to sit back up. When Arizona is on her back, Callie is carefully straddling her, almost about to get off, hands resting on her own thighs.

Callie is about to say something, but before she gets the chance, Arizona's hands are on her cheeks, tugging her down. Lips meet again, tentatively brushing together. Callie keeps her hands unmoving at her own thighs, afraid to break the spell.

"Callie?" It comes out a quiet whisper against full lips, Arizona's eyes closed.

Callie flinches slightly, but is being held in place. "Mm?"

Fingertips brush against strands of hair right by Callie's ears, her eyes opening to look into those below her. Arizona's heart is beating so fast; she's so nervous about this. She wants to go all the way, she really does, but she's still not ready. But instead of saying that, she reaches up and kisses Callie again, her mouth open, tongue seeking out Callie's.

Stopping, one forehead rests against the other, both sets of eyes closed. Arizona grits her teeth in frustration. "You can touch me," she whispers. "Just…" Trailing off, she sighs.

At the spoken okay, Callie brings her hands to Arizona's sides, her thumbs reassuringly brushing up and down soft skin. "What?" she presses gently. At Arizona's hesitation, she adds, "Help me out here, Arizona. I don't know what you're comfortable with."

Arizona takes a deep breath. "I like this," she declares, finally opening her eyes, locking with the brown ones above her. "A lot. I just… Is it okay with you?" Callie frowns, but before she has a chance to ask, Arizona hurries to explain. "I mean, to do just this. Just…" She takes another deep breath as her fingers wander across Callie's cheek. "Just kiss. And touch, I mean I love the way you've touched me up until now-"

"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Callie interrupts.

Hesitating for a moment, Arizona looks away. This part is hard. "You talked about… I mean, I know you need-"

Unable to let Arizona finish that sentence, Callie cuts her off once again. "No," she disagrees, shaking her head. "I don't need us to have sex," she states, and Arizona blushes uncharacteristically. "What I need is to know what you need. I need you to tell me if I do something right so I can keep doing that, and if I do something wrong so I can stop. Arizona, I love you," she declares. "And, believe it or not – probably now more than ever. I love being close to you and god, having sex with you is one of my favorite things to do, but…"

Arizona's eyes glisten with tears, but she keeps them at bay. "…But?"

"But I don't want us to have sex just because we should. Or in an attempt to get back to the way we used to be because that won't work."

Tears of gratefulness roll down Arizona's cheeks. "So…"

Callie sighs sadly. "So, we don't. We don't, not until you feel ready."

Arizona waits a moment before brokenly saying, "I'm not ready yet," angrily wiping at her tears.

Nodding, Callie whispers, "And that's okay. It is so okay."

It's like the weight of the world is lifted off of Arizona's chest and she can't do anything but pull her wife back down to her and kiss her, pouring everything she has into it. Then she wraps her arms around Callie and burrows her face into the crook of her neck, exhaling in relief, eyes slowly closing.

"I want to be ready," she continues to explain. "I really do, you have to know that."

"I do," Callie quickly reassures.

"But I'm just..."

Callie shakes her head softly. "You don't have to do that. You don't have to explain."

Arizona closes her eyes, sighing. "I'm not sure _I_ even know."

"I know, and that's okay too," Callie says.

But Arizona has to say just one more thing. "I was so afraid that I was never going to be able to let go of the anger." Her voice is full of regret. "I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop treating you like-"

"Hey," Callie cuts her off, looking into blue eyes, head shaking, "shh. Stop." She leans down and lips meet lips. "Don't. Please, don't do that. I was scared too, but we're better now; it's all good, okay?"

Arizona nods slowly and closes her eyes. "Okay."

Smiling sadly, Callie lets her lips travel across her wife's face, kissing away the falling tears. After a while, when the tears have subsided and Arizona feels more relaxed, Callie whispers, "I really want to kiss you somewhere else." Her face is right above Arizona's, her hair falling around the face below her, brown eyes locking with blue.

"Please," Arizona breathes.

"Everything from the waist up okay?"

"Yes, yes; anything," she allows eagerly, overwhelmed that they have finally reached this place; that she has reached this place, where she feels so much like her old self that she craves for Callie to touch her.

Callie's hands find soft cheeks and her lips find the other set of lips, and she kisses Arizona slowly before whispering, "Then sit up."

Arizona willingly obliges, making sure their lips don't part as she lifts her upper body. Soft, warm hands run down her neck, across either collarbone and then come to rest on her shoulders. She feels Callie's fingers gently pressing into her muscles again before swiftly slipping under white bra straps.

The kiss keeps going, slow and deep, as Callie pushes the straps of Arizona's bra across pale shoulders and down equally pale arms. Her hands keep moving to Arizona's back, easily finding the bra clasp and expertly undoing it.

Arizona gasps as the bra loosens around her torso and falls off her chest.

As soon as they are not kissing anymore, Callie opens her eyes and looks at Arizona in silence, simply making sure everything is still okay. She sees no trace of hesitation on her face, instead she notices arms moving, allowing her to take the bra off her wife completely.

Discarding it to the floor, she simply ogles the beautiful, familiar sight before her. She places her hands on the rising and falling chest in front of her, then looks into Arizona's awaiting eyes. Swallowing hard, she lets her hands move lower and when both palms cover full breasts, her eyes close and she exhales sharply.

A dark head falls forward, forehead resting against forehead. Hands move until fingertips graze armpits, thumbs softly stroking hardened nipples.

"God, I can't believe how long it's been since the last time I touched you like this," Callie says, slightly out of breath.

Arizona reaches up and takes Callie's face in her hands and kisses her deeply. Her hands then move to Callie's back, and she tells her, "Don't stop kissing me." Skilled fingers unclasp the remaining bra between them and Callie shrugs her shoulders to let the material fall down.

Arizona's arms wrap around her as they lie down together, chest against chest, lips locked, tongues dancing.

Callie smiles into the embrace, suppressing a giggle. "Hey, let me go," she teases.

Arizona groans, not finding the idea very appealing. "Why?" she whines playfully, pressing her lips to her wife's again.

"Do it and you'll see."

Reluctantly, Arizona loosens her hold and Callie instantly starts kissing down her neck, lips parted, tongue darting out against warm, soft skin. She would have taken her time, but she's too eager. The kisses keep coming across a collar bone, down Arizona's chest and eventually to the final destination.

Arizona gasps as Callie takes her left nipple into her mouth. "Oh," she hisses, her back arching.

Callie feels wetness pool between her legs as she sucks her wife's nipple into her mouth, but she ignores it.

Her mind and body want to do it all, but this is more than enough right now, and it's way more than she expected out of tonight. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Callie?" she whispers, tightening her hold around the woman in her arms, burrowing her face into soft, black hair.

"Mm," is all Callie offers in response.

"Could you massage my back again tonight?"

Callie dips her face into the crook of Arizona's neck. "Yeah, I'd love to," she tells her in a whisper, hands instantly starting to rub circles around Arizona's back, fingertips pressing into strong, but sore, muscles. "Let's eat, and then-"

"No," Arizona quickly interrupts before she loses her nerve, shaking her head, "no, let's do it now." She slips her hands under the hem of Callie's shirt, sighing slowly, a slight tremor in her chest. "I want…"

Callie wraps her arms tighter around the smaller body and kisses her temple. "Anything you want."

"I want to try," she concedes. "I really want to try."

It hasn't been much more than a week since that night when Callie gave her a back rub and they ended up making out like horny teenagers on the couch. Since then, both of them have felt a lot more confident and free to touch each other, even if Callie was more reserved and careful in doing so.

Callie's heart skips a beat – or twelve – at the insinuation of being that close to her wife again. She squeezes Arizona impossibly tighter and presses her lips pressing against her shoulder. "Okay," she simply answers, struggling to try to keep her emotions in check. "So, I'll rub your back and then we'll go from there, see what feels right?" she asks, just to be sure.

"If that's okay with you."

Callie kisses along Arizona's shoulder and up her neck, stopping by her ear. "That's very okay with me."

Arizona turns her head and smiles into Callie's hair. "I can't wait." Stepping back, she almost cautiously looks into Callie's eyes - it's been so long since the last time they did this. Callie's eyes fall to Arizona's hands when they grab the hem of her own shirt to pull it over her head.

Callie stares unabashedly. "Whoa," she murmurs.

"What?"

Looking up into blue eyes again, with a smirk, Callie says, "It's been a long time since you did that in front of me. Let me appreciate."

Arizona grins even as she blushes a little, and throws her shirt towards Callie, landing it in her face. Without a word, she backs over to the couch, and lies down on her stomach, eyes never leaving her wife's.

Callie drops the shirt on the floor and snickers. "Hey, um, I know we don't have any massage oil, but we could use coconut oil if you'd like?" she suggests, already on her way to the kitchen.

"Okay, yeah, sure," Arizona agrees.

For the few seconds that Callie can't see her, Arizona closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She's nervous, but more than that she really can't wait to reconnect with her wife at this level of intimacy again. She's so thankful that it's not all seriousness and insecurity - the fact that the mood feels light, almost carefree, makes her calmer and more confident.

Returning with the oil, Callie quickly bends down to peck Arizona's shoulder (she really just can't help herself right now) before she straddles her thighs. "Okay," she announces, reaching forward to unclasp Arizona's bra. She's so eager to touch the pale skin in front of her, to make Arizona feel a little better and then to make her feel just plain awesome. "Ready?"

"Ready," Arizona confirms, void of any single second thought.

With two fingers, Callie scoops oil out of the jar and then places the jar on the floor next to the couch. She swiftly coats her palms with the oil before placing them in the middle of the back in front of her. Arizona immediately moans at the contact, Callie's strong hands pressing hard into her muscles.

"Good?" Callie asks as she runs her palms up and down the length of her spine.

Arizona nods into the couch cushion. "Perfect."

Callie's hands move slowly across Arizona's back. They glide easily along her skin, the oil making the touch warm and comfortable for both of them. She proceeds to press the heels of her palms in deeper, pushing up past the shoulder blades to stop around Arizona's shoulders, firmly kneading the muscles there.

Arizona lies with her eyes open, heart pounding away in her chest. Even though the massage is great and should soothe her, she can't really concentrate. All she can think about is Callie without any clothes on. She's so ready for it now, even though it makes her incredibly nervous.

She can't quite put her finger on exactly what it is that makes her more nervous – if it's simply because it's been so long or if she's afraid it's going to be different. She doesn't doubt that Callie is still attracted to her - it's been proven to her many times since the amputation, just by a simple look, the tone of Callie's voice or by simply being told so. So that's not truly a problem - only, what if Callie finds the stump (god, how Arizona hates that word) a turn off? She's seen it countless times before but never in this context.

Trying to push those thoughts aside, Arizona closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and focuses on Callie's hands - they do feel so good against her sore muscles. "The oil was a really good idea," she says.

Callie smiles and whispers, "Good."

The sound of her voice, under her breath like that, has Arizona shivering in delight.

She needs Callie to initiate, and she's willing to tell her so, but she decides to wait and give her a chance before she says anything.

Callie is nervous too, but more excited than anything else. Even though she hopes Arizona already knows, she wants to show her how much she wants her.

She doesn't rub her back for more than ten minutes.

When Arizona feels warm lips press softly against her shoulder blades she exhales sharply as her nerves start to really set in, but also because she just can't help herself when Callie kisses her.

"I'm really going to need to wash my hair after this," Callie jokes as it sticks to the oil.

Arizona laughs nervously. "Good thing we like showering then."

Callie smiles, blowing hot air against the oily skin and Arizona's smile instantly fades, butterflies reappearing in her stomach. Hands settle on either side of her waist, thumbs rubbing lazy circles as lips keep kissing along her spine. She feels more hot air as Callie exhales each breath and then an open mouth sucking at her skin.

"You taste really good," Callie murmurs.

Arizona smiles. "What, like coconut oil?" she manages despite herself.

She feels Callie snicker against her spine before moving up to nip at her ear lobe.

"A little," Callie admits. "But mostly just you. I've missed that, the taste of your skin," she adds, her fingers flexing into a soft abdomen.

Arizona shivers at that, her breath hitching as Callie's tongue presses into her back. "Let me, um, let me turn around," she says, and Callie instantly moves to allow Arizona to turn over. Once on her back and with Callie intimately straddling her hips, she reaches up and takes Callie's face in her hands, pulling her down into a wet, hard kiss.

Taken slightly off guard, Callie feels as if her head is spinning when Arizona is suddenly inside her mouth. Tongues and lips dance as Arizona's hands find their way down her chest to eventually cup two full breasts through the fabric of her shirt.

Callie breaks away from the kiss, needing to catch her breath. Her lips form an O as she exhales, her eyes still closed. Just as she is about to move her hands to mirror Arizona's, she feels her shirt being tugged up and she instantly lifts her arms to allow Arizona to pull it off.

And then it's all just a frenzy of exploring hands and mouths, and Callie feels like she's on fire.

"Wait, wait," she pleads as she grabs Arizona's hands, stopping all movement. When Arizona looks up at her, confused and with growing nervousness, she drops the pale hands and places her own on either side of her wife's head. "It's too fast," she says. "It's too fast, I can't..."

Arizona, confusion quickly waning, smiles and strokes her hands up and down tan biceps. "Too much for you?" she teases.

In response, she gets a hearty laugh. "You drive me out of my mind, you know," Callie explains, smile on her lips. "And that's awesome and all that, but... Not for this." Head shaking, she looks intently into Arizona's eyes, serious now, her hand finding a pale cheek. "I want nothing more than to lose myself in you, but I'm scared, Arizona."

Arizona blinks at the heartfelt confession, frown forming on her face. "Of what?"

Sighing softly, Callie looks away for just a second before she looks back into blue eyes and proceeds to explain. "Of doing something that will make you uncomfortable. Of not being able to read you, or misreading you."

"I'll talk to you," Arizona offers gently, fingernails delicately scratching at Callie's shoulders. "I can't promise I won't get uncomfortable, but I can promise I'll talk to you." She reaches up for a kiss and pauses, waiting for Callie to reach down. She does, and the kiss is soft and slow, all lips, and suddenly Arizona doesn't feel all that nervous anymore. "Thank you for telling me," she whispers before stealing another one. "It means a lot."

Callie rests her forehead against Arizona's and closes her eyes as she exhales. "I don't want to mess this up."

Arizona loops her arms around Callie's neck. "You won't. _We_ ," she reminds the both of them, "won't."

Eyes still closed, Callie nods. "Sorry."

"Hey," Arizona calls, waiting until brown eyes reopen before she shakes her head and says, "Don't."

Nodding again, Callie smiles. "Okay."

Arizona glances down between them, her eyes momentarily resting on two full, bra clad breasts before snapping her blues back up to meet brown. She runs her hands around and across Callie's back to unclasp her bra, fingers grazing her skin. Callie sits back, bra falling off her shoulders and Arizona drops it on the floor.

Callie feels as though she's about to explode. She's half naked and so is her wife and she can't wait for them to bring each other to bliss. When she feels Arizona's hands come to her breasts, the blood drains from her face, flowing straight down through her body and settling between her legs. Taking in a deep breath, she reaches down and kisses her wife, intending to do it until none of them can breathe any longer.

Arizona tears her mouth away from Callie's and kisses along her jaw and down her neck, all the while tugging at her hips. "Move up a little," she breathes against warm skin, and Callie obeys, scooting up to straddle Arizona's waist, hovering with her hands placed on either side of the mess of blonde hair. Pink lips circle a dark nipple, and Arizona hears Callie's breathing getting heavier, deeper and louder; a hand coming up to grab a fistful of golden tresses, holding Arizona in place.

As Arizona keeps working on Callie's breasts with hands and lips, Callie unconsciously grinds down into the body beneath her, pushing her breast against Arizona's mouth and creating that delicious friction between her legs that she hasn't felt with Arizona in so long. She has, of course, been there on her own, but nothing compares to when that friction comes from the woman she loves.

Knowing Callie is making herself feel good turns Arizona on something fierce. "Keep doing that," she encourages against a hard nipple while her hands find their way down Callie's stomach. She kisses her way back up her neck as and Callie moves back to allow their lips to meet. When they do, Arizona's fingers find the hem of her wife's jeans.

Callie moans into the kiss when realizing what's next, and she has to stop to breathe. "Arizona," she warns.

"I know," Arizona confirms, "We'll go slowly. Can you get on your knees?"

Without a spoken response, she shifts up with her knees on either side of Arizona's hips.

Arizona looks down as she undoes the button and zipper of Callie's jeans. Looking up into brown eyes, she says, "All day I haven't been able to stop thinking about doing this." She slips her fingers under the hem of lace panties, slowly brushing them back and forth over the first few hairs she feels.

Callie wants to grab Arizona's wrist and press it against herself, so desperate to come. Had it been a year ago, she might have.

Arizona's hand is slightly trembling as she slides it further into Callie's panties, her fingers instantly met with hot wetness. As she slides two fingers through slick folds, Callie holds her breath for a moment, exhaling sharply when said fingers find her opening.

Arizona smiles, even laughs a little. "Callie," she utters, shaking her head in complete awe of this feeling, unable to fathom how she could go so long without it. "You're really wet."

Her nerves are nowhere in the vicinity anymore – focusing on touching Callie is taking over her every sense.

Touching Callie is safe; it's familiar and fucking amazing.

She reaches up with her left hand to cup a flushed cheek, and Callie reaches down and kisses her.

"You okay?" Arizona asks.

Callie nods and claims her wife's mouth with her own again, letting it open, tongues pressing together. Arizona moves her fingers up and down Callie's core as they kiss, hips bucking against her hand. She repeats the motion a few times before slowly slipping her fingers inside. She moves the digits firmly, taking her time to really feel and enjoy the sensation of being inside Callie again. It feels like it's been so much longer than just nine months; nine months feels like nothing. It's like it's been years, and yet it's exactly how she remembers it.

The noises Callie makes, the way she moves, the way she feels around Arizona's fingers; it's all the same and Arizona is so relieved about that.

She slides her fingers out and shifts her hand to rub the heel of her hand against Callie's clit. Callie whimpers desperately and grinds herself down against Arizona, in synch with her movements.

Callie squeezes her eyes shut, trying to focus and to zone out to the feeling of Arizona against her. "Arizona, I don't want to come yet," she says.

"I don't want to stop touching you – Callie, I don't."

But Callie grabs her wrist and smiles down at her. "Give me thirty seconds," she states and swiftly climbs off the couch, Arizona's hand slipping out from beneath her panties. She stands just next to Arizona, their eyes locked the whole time as Callie slides jeans and panties down her legs.

Arizona's heart skips a beat and she has to swallow hard at the sight of Callie completely naked in front of her. Again, it seems like it's been way longer than nine months since the last time she had this view.

Callie is unsure where to go from here. She doesn't want to ask too much, knowing that will most likely make Arizona feel more self-conscious than if she doesn't. At the same time, she will loathe herself if she does something her wife isn't comfortable with. But she has to trust Arizona, and Arizona said she'd talk to her.

Making a quick decision, she steps forward, stands next to the couch with her hands on either of Arizona's hips and reaches down to kiss her. Arizona reciprocates willingly, her hands coming up to Callie's neck, spurring her on. Callie squeezes flesh through rough jean fabric before letting her hands come to the front of the pants, fingers resting on the button; lingering.

Arizona stops the kiss, catching her breath, her heart suddenly in her throat. Callie looks down at her, swallows hard, but doesn't move. She waits for any sign that she shouldn't continue other than the apprehensive look in the blue eyes in front of her. She knew this would be one of the hard parts, but she also knows that she has to be patient, so she waits, giving Arizona a moment. Their noses touch, and then Callie barely grazes the tip of Arizona's with her mouth.

Arizona's head is screaming at her to make Callie stop because it's too scary, but her body is begging her to let Callie touch her. She needs this, _they_ need this, and she owes this to herself, to let herself just feel good finally. Her fingers flex against Callie's neck, and she closes her eyes for a moment.

With the patience of a saint, Callie waits until blue eyes look into her own again. When they do, she kisses pink lips as she pushes the jean button through the loop, never ceasing to observe Arizona carefully. Arizona's breaths catch in her throat, but she makes no move to stop Callie even though her nerves are about to swallow her whole.

Callie can tell how hard this is for Arizona, and she could tell her that they can wait, that they don't have to do this right now. However, that's not what her wife needs, nor wants, right now. She knows that, but this scares her too and it would be so much easier to just call the whole thing off.

Instead, she keeps studying Arizona carefully as she places one hand next to her head to steady herself, and with the other pulls down the zipper of Arizona's jeans, her every move painfully slow. Arizona waits for her to pull them off her legs, but instead she feels a palm settle flat against the bottom her stomach, fingers just barely slipping under the hem of her panties. Callie wants to rush nothing, rather giving Arizona a chance to breathe one time too many than one time too few.

Letting her hand simply rest against warm skin, Callie kisses Arizona softly, almost cautiously. Her lips travel across her wife's face, her eyes finally closing, taking every moment to just feel and let Arizona do the same, whatever she needs to do to feel comfortable.

Their eyes meet again and Callie hovers above Arizona as she takes hold of her jeans, pulling them down along with her panties as Arizona lifts her hips to help out.

Immediately, Arizona feels like covering herself, and she's not sure why. The sensation just comes over her, and for a second she wants to tell Callie she can't do it.

Callie has seen Arizona wearing her prosthetic without any pants on more times than any of them can count, but never in this context.

And certainly not naked.

"Talk to me."

Callie's voice is soft, confident, and Arizona's eyes snap up to meet hers, not having realized she ever even stopped looking into them in the first place.

"Don't forget to talk to me," Callie reminds, with a hint of a warning, her head shaking, eyes fixated on Arizona's face, working hard to try and read her. "What's wrong?"

Arizona awkwardly rests her hands on her stomach, struggling to find her words. "I feel..." She trails off and swallows hard, eyes flicking back and forth between Callie's. "...Like I want to cover up," she explains, the crack in her voice barely audible. "Like I don't want you to see me like this," she adds, her voice a mere whisper as she looks anywhere but at her wife.

Callie is still standing next to the couch, bracing herself with one hand by Arizona's head, the other coming up to cover a pale cheek. "Hey. Look at me, please," she pleads, her thumb brushing back and forth over Arizona's face, waiting until blue eyes meet hers again. "Okay," she then says, nodding. "I get it. But I'm not going to cover you up. I've seen you like this before and it makes me feel the same as it always has, Arizona. I know it makes you feel different, and I get that and it's okay, but it doesn't make me react any differently to you."

Arizona nods, tears threatening to spill. She doesn't say anything, knowing that if she does, she'll break down and that's the last thing she wants to do right now.

Despite herself, Callie smiles. "God, I love you," she whispers, shaking her head in disbelief at how it's possible to love someone this much. She strokes the back of her hand across her wife's cheek. "It's okay," she assures, "whatever you're feeling right now, honey, it's okay."

Shaking her head this time, Arizona forces herself to say, "You're stalling." She appreciates Callie taking it slow, she really does, but it's too slow. It gives her too much time to think, to obsess over how nervous she is. "Stop stalling, please," she clarifies simply.

Callie's face falls and she becomes more serious. "Okay," she obeys, determined to do whatever Arizona needs. Callie is still nervous, too, but has decided she needs to at least display some confidence.

And this is the other hard part. Even though Callie has taken off Arizona's prosthesis before, this is nothing like those times. They've even "practiced", done it just for the sake of it, in order to get both of them used to how it makes them feel. But this time, it's for the sake of something - it's for the sake of connecting, being intimate, and that makes it completely different.

Callie takes a few steps back, looks down at Arizona's leg and then back up at her face, making sure it's still okay - or, as okay as it can be. She doesn't take too long though, so when Arizona nods, she takes hold of the leg-like prosthesis with both hands and carefully pulls it downwards.

The feeling of the leg about to come off makes Arizona's breath catch and her hands clutch the cushion underneath her. It makes a silent kind of popping sound when it loosens and comes off, but Arizona can feel it a lot more than she can hear it and it's a sensation she's not sure she'll ever get used to. Her eyes automatically close, tears now inevitably falling. She has never felt less sexy naked than she does in this very moment, and she can't stand to look at Callie right now.

She knows Callie doesn't find her unsexy at all and she trusts that, she truly does, but that doesn't really matter because it won't change the way she sees herself. She needs to find it within herself first, the feeling that she is still the same person and still sexy even with one less leg. It's not something she needs to just believe, it's something she needs to feel.

However, feeling sexy or not, this is what she needs right now. This is a step _towards_ feeling what she already knows is true.

Callie puts the prosthesis behind the short end of the couch, intentionally hiding it from sight. If Arizona can lose herself in the feeling of making love, maybe, even if only for two seconds, she will feel the same as she did before she lost her leg. Seeing her plastic leg while in the middle of that won't exactly help matters, Callie figures.

Arizona has brought one hand to her face, covering her eyes. Callie knows she is crying, and she has two options right now: she can either comfort Arizona and ask her what she wants to do, or she can ignore it, keep it in the back of her mind, and do whatever feels right. Thinking quickly, she decides to do a little bit of both.

Heart hammering in her chest, Callie puts one hand on Arizona's left thigh before climbing onto the couch and laying herself down on top of her wife. She frames Arizona's face with her arms, holding herself up somewhat so she won't put all her weight on the body beneath her. Arizona's legs are on either side of Callie's hips, their centers pressing closely together. She reaches down to softly kiss pink, quivering lips, then cheeks, soaking up a few stray tears.

"You're okay," Callie whispers soothingly, and Arizona sobs quietly. "You did it," she continues to encourage.

Arms then wrap tightly around Callie, pulling her completely down as Arizona buries her face in the crook of her neck. She cries silently for a little while, and Callie just lets her.

Once the tears stop, Arizona starts kissing up Callie's neck to her ear, taking the lobe into her mouth and sucking it gently. Her hands wander up and down Callie's back, her hips shifting slightly at their own accord.

Callie lifts her head and looks down into sore, still wet, blue eyes.

Arizona looks back at her and smiles faintly. "Hey," she whispers.

Callie closes her eyes and presses her lips to Arizona's, lingering for a moment. "Hey," she says, one hand stroking across golden locks. She looks into those blue eyes for a while, then can't help but kiss her wife again. "Are you all right?"

Arizona nods even as she sniffles. "Yeah," she murmurs.

Callie lets her forehead rest against Arizona's before once again kissing her. It intensifies quickly this time, mouths opening wide and tongues dueling.

They've made it through the biggest hurdles, and even though it still makes her nervous, now all Arizona wants is for Callie to make her come. She bucks her hips up, trying to find some friction. Callie gets the hint and grinds down into Arizona as they continue kissing, but Arizona's breathing quickens and she has to stop for air.

Callie keeps gently thrusting, her own breathing getting heavier. "This feel good?"

Arizona moans, then nods. "Yes," she confirms. "Yes."

Grinning, Callie asks, "Should we move this to the bedroom?"

And that's all it takes for Arizona to be right back where she was a few minutes ago. Blinking, she tries to say something but nothing comes out of her mouth at first. Shaking her head, she then manages, "No. No." She's not sure why, but the bedroom just feels like too much pressure right now.

Slightly taken aback, Callie momentarily stops her movements. "Oh. O-okay."

Giving neither one of them a chance to dwell on that thought, Arizona reaches up and captures Callie's mouth with her own, needing to forget that she's nervous. She bucks her hips up into Callie again, whimpering at the friction it instantly creates, and says, "Don't stop."

But instead of continuing to move against her wife, Callie shifts so that only half of her body is on top of Arizona. They kiss, and she lets her hand explore from Arizona's neck, down her chest and to her stomach.

Arizona shakes her head in between kisses. "Don't stop," she repeats.

Pulling away so blue and brown eyes can meet, Callie slowly slides her hand down between pale thighs. Arizona's eyes close for a moment and she inhales sharply only to hold her breath as she feels Callie's fingers slide down her slick folds. Her right arm is around Callie's neck, her left hand clutching at a tan upper arm.

Callie watches Arizona intently as she moves her fingers up and down through hot wetness. She's unsure, still, and she feels as though she needs Arizona to look at her.

"Don't think," Arizona tells her. "Don't think, just go, Callie, please. I'm okay."

Callie reminds herself, even though she's still not trusting herself to be able to read Arizona correctly, that she trusts Arizona. Her wife said she'd talk to her, and she just did, so she has to trust her. Any reason not to is nonexistent.

And as Callie in one swift movement pushes two fingers deep into Arizona, Arizona tenses, inhales sharply and then exhales slowly, her body relaxing completely into Callie's touch. Wrapping her other arm around her wife's neck, she nods, her forehead against Callie's. "I want this back," she says, somehow sensing Callie's hesitance, but also needing to voice those feelings, for both of them. "I want this with you so much."

Pausing for a brief moment, Callie looks down into Arizona's eyes, simply allowing herself to see the sincerity in them. Then, as she leaves a soft, lingering kiss on the lips in front of her, she starts moving inside her wife. She's touching her tenderly, slowly but deliberately, all the while making sure she's not letting her guard down. As they kiss, Arizona whimpers, moans into Callie's mouth and desperately rolls her hips in time with her movements.

A moment ago, it felt like they hadn't been here together in forever, and right now Arizona feels as if they've never done anything but. It's so familiar, so safe. An unexplainable happiness and thankfulness washes over her, overwhelming her. She thinks to herself that this must be something like euphoria. Hugging Callie to her, she smiles into her shoulder before latching her mouth onto the skin atop the muscle there. She sucks lightly, her tongue brushing across salty skin while Callie's fingers keep moving inside her.

She bucks her hips faster, the hand against her now moving quicker with every breath she takes.

She's so close.

She's so close to coming against her wife, and she wants to; desperately needs to. "Fuck," she chokes out in a whisper, her body starting to tremble with the urge for release. "Fuck. Callie," she almost pleads, her breathing now coming in quick, hard puffs against Callie's shoulder. "Come on, come on," she absentmindedly utters into the empty space above them.

And then she's there, and Callie knows just what to do, how Arizona needs her to move. She tenses, every nerve ending in her body reacting, her orgasm reaching all the way down to her toes and up into her head. Callie moves her hand fast and hard a few times and then slows down gradually before coming to a stop. She pauses for no more than two seconds, then runs her hand hard against Arizona once, pauses again and repeats, slower the second time, less hard the third and last time.

Arizona shifts her arms around Callie's neck, eyes closed, breaths heavy. She closes her mouth to swallow, then releases a soft, whimpering 'hmm'.

Callie nuzzles her face into Arizona's neck as she takes a deep breath, relieved.

As Arizona struggles to get her breathing under control, she tiredly runs her left hand down Callie's right arm, resting it on top of the one still nestled between her legs, a silent request for it to stay there. She hums contentedly again, running the tips of her fingers across Callie's knuckles. The two fingers inside of her have stilled and she wants to stay just like this for now.

Once Callie feels that Arizona has come down and her breathing has evened out, she whispers against a pale neck, "Are you okay?"

Arizona leaves a trail of slow, sloppy kisses along Callie's shoulder. Stopping at the crook of her neck, she murmurs, "Yeah."

Callie lifts her head and looks down at the woman below her. "I'm going to take you to bed in a moment," she announces, leaving a soft, quick kiss to pink lips and then nuzzles a flushed cheek. "And we'll sleep, or I'll show you again that I love you."

Arizona smiles. "It's my turn to show you."

"I think we have time for both, if you want to."

"I do. Just, stay here with me for a little while first."

Callie nods slowly, then reaches down for a lingering kiss. "For as long as you want."

Arizona flattens her right hand at Callie's back, running it up and down as they continue kissing. Callie slowly slides her fingers out of Arizona, but keeps her hand between her legs, letting her fingers stroke and wander aimlessly between still slick folds.

"Hm," Arizona sighs softly as Callie keeps tenderly caressing her. "I'm so happy," she then declares. "Right here, like this, with you."

Callie smiles thankfully. "Me too," she says. "God, me too. And I'm so relieved and happy that you are too."

Arizona smiles so genuinely it almost makes Callie cry. Then she reaches up and kisses her wife deeply, slowly. She feels Callie's palm pressing flat into her core and she moans helplessly, hips inevitably bucking in search for that delicious friction. She quickly moves one hand to settle between Callie's legs, instantly finding her wetness.

Callie moans and abruptly stops their kiss, resting her forehead against Arizona's. "Mm," she sighs, unable to help it. "Bed first."

Getting up off the couch, she stands and reaches out for Arizona to take her hands, helping her up when she does. As she stands on one leg, Callie pulls her to her.

"It's been quite some time since I carried you to bed," she whispers, grinning.

"Callie..." Arizona complains weakly. "There's a very good reason for that."

"Yes, but this is an emergency," she explains, faking seriousness. "I'm not going to let you hop on one leg to the bedroom, and putting the prosthesis back on and then taking it off again is just going to take way too long. You can agree with me on that, right?"

Arizona sighs but is unable to help the smile forming on her lips. "Yes," she admits.

"Good," Callie concludes and gives her wife a quick peck on the lips before leaning in to whisper, "I'll carry you the way you like it."

Wrapping her arms around Callie's neck, Arizona grins and says, "Oh yeah? Which way is that?"

And then she realizes, but before she can react, Callie runs her hands down the back of Arizona's thighs, lifting her up and holding her to her.

Arizona gasps as she wraps her good leg around Callie's hip, her heart suddenly beating hard in her chest again. She thinks it might be hard to stay like this with just one and less than half a leg, but she's being held up safely. As with so many other things these days, she's unsure of why this makes her feel so self-conscious.

Callie can see it in Arizona's eyes as she watches her closely, but bravely stands her ground. "I've got you," she murmurs.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Arizona rests her forehead against Callie's and nods. "I know."

Waiting for just a moment, Callie runs her thumbs up and down the soft skin of the pale thighs in her hands. "Are you okay? I didn't think-"

"No, I know," Arizona quickly assures, before Callie feels any more guilty. "Neither did I," she sighs. "You just, caught me off guard a little." Taking a deep breath, she tries to ground herself, tries to ignore whatever reason there is for this to feel frightening, and focus on what feels good about it instead.

Callie nods. "What can I do?"

Arizona takes another deep breath. "Take me to bed?"

Without another word, Callie walks them toward the bedroom and Arizona secures her arms around her shoulders and buries her face in dark hair. She hates feeling this vulnerable, and to not know why or when it's going to happen. Determined to get over it, she decides she needs to stay like this, as long as it's okay with Callie, until it feels better.

Reaching their bed, Callie stops and prepares to set Arizona down, but Arizona tightens the hold she has of her instead. "No," she murmurs quickly, "I want to stay here."

Lips press against the side of her neck. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, if it's okay with you."

Callie smiles. "Yeah, Arizona, of course."

Arizona smirks against a tan shoulder. "I'm not too heavy?" she half-jokes. She's never had any issues with her body weight, and it certainly wasn't starting now. But carrying a person of which size is anywhere near your own isn't done lightly.

Knowing all of this, Callie simply says, "Well..." She takes the few steps needed to stand right next to the bed. When the back of her knees touch the mattress, she slowly sits down, Arizona coming to straddle her thighs. "Is this good?"

"Yeah, it's good," her wife whispers, now relaxing against the body beneath her.

They stay like this for a while, in silence. Arizona runs her hands up and down Callie's back as she occasionally kisses her shoulder, while Callie – intentionally – keeps her hands on Arizona's thighs, fingers grazing the skin there.

Arizona is surprised at how okay it feels to have Callie touch her half leg this way. She has to pull back, hands at her wife's upper arms and look down at Callie's hand against it, because it's almost as if she can't believe it.

Callie watches Arizona carefully, but doesn't stop her movements. "Okay?" she eventually asks in a whisper.

Smiling, Arizona answers, "Yeah. Yeah, it's... It doesn't bother me."

"No?"

She looks into brown eyes, head shaking slowly. "No."

Callie, almost cautiously, smiles. "I like touching you here." She runs her hand down lower, placing it right over the scar. "It feels strange right here, because it's still so new. But I want to know this new area of you as good as I know the rest of your body. If you want me to. And if I can do something about it, I don't want this to be an area of anxiety or fear for you."

"I can't feel much right there," Arizona says; "right where the scar is." She nods. "But it feels all right, Callie. If it's you, it feels all right."

Callie reaches up with her other hand to cup Arizona's face, somehow overwhelmed. "Do you know how much I love you?" she asks.

Arizona looks at her, puzzled, almost surprised, but then nods. "I- yes. I love you too. Callie, what...?

Callie smiles despite the tears forming in her eyes. "Nothing, I just really, really love you. And I am so, so happy that you're here. And I'm so happy you're feeling better, and that _we_ are where we are right now." She takes a deep breath before she continues. "I know it doesn't mean that there won't still be moments that are hard either physically or emotionally, or both, for you, I just-"

Bringing both hands up to cup Callie's face, she says, "Hey, I get it. I know you're not expecting some miracle recovery for me or for us as a couple just because we've had sex," she explains and then changes her tone to less serious. "Even though it's been really, _really_ good so far. The sex, I mean."

Callie grins up at her, unshed tears still glistening in her eyes. "Good thing there's more where that came from, then." 


	3. Chapter 3

Callie can not believe the sun is already up. Whatever time it is, she has not slept enough. Not that she is complaining, because she and Arizona finally made love last night, so she honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about having gotten too little sleep.

Smiling to herself, she turns over to snuggle into her wife, but finds that side of the bed empty.

Opening her eyes and looking around the room, she quickly sits up, slightly panicked. She reminds herself to give Arizona the benefit of the doubt – they had a few short, scattered, but really good talks last night, so there is no reason for Arizona to suddenly shy away.

However, Callie needs to make sure her wife is alright. Throwing on a t-shirt and putting on a pair of panties, she gets out of bed and pops her head out of the bedroom to see if Arizona is cooking them breakfast or maybe just making a pot of coffee. To her dismay, she finds the kitchen and living room area empty. Turning back, she heads for the bathroom.

"Arizona?" she calls softly as she opens the bathroom door. There, in front of the full length mirror, stands Arizona, completely bare – she isn't even wearing her prosthesis. "Oh, oh, I'm-I'm sorry," Callie stutters, looking away but staying in the door way, kicking herself internally. "I should have knocked first."

Arizona stands, on her own, on just one leg. She's steadying herself with one hand against the wall to keep herself from falling. "It's okay," she assures, looking at her wife through the mirror, but won't get any eye contact in return. "Really," she coaxes.

"Um, do you want to be alone?" Callie asks dumbly.

Arizona pauses before answering, hoping Callie will look at her. "No," she says quietly when her wife won't move an inch. "Callie," she calls, and Callie finally meets her eyes. "It's okay."

Hesitating, contemplating, Callie walks inside despite her worries. She takes a few more steps after she's closed the door, leaning her back against the glass wall of the shower. "I really should have knocked," she says again, guilt still eating at her.

"Look at me," Arizona requests, her voice suddenly weak. "Please."

Their gazes meet through the mirror.

"No, I mean, really look at me," Arizona clarifies, but Callie frowns. "All of me."

Looking into the eyes of her wife for another moment, Callie takes a breath and tries to gather her thoughts, to understand what Arizona is getting at.

"You _can_ look at me," she adds.

"I know that," Callie defends, "I was just caught off guard, that's all."

"So then look at me now," Arizona repeats brokenly.

Callie sighs sadly and takes a step forward, eyes still on Arizona's in the mirror. "Baby, where is this coming from?"

Arizona opens her mouth to say something, but instead tears form in her eyes. Callie's heart sinks and she instinctively takes another step forward, but then stops herself, confused, and unsure if Arizona wants to be touched right now. Her instincts, though, are telling her to wrap her wife up in her arms and comfort her, but her instincts have been known to cause nothing but trouble for them in the recent past.

Closing her eyes, the tears fall from Arizona's eyes and Callie waits impatiently for any sign that she should get closer. "What do you want to do," Arizona asks, eyes still closed, "right now?"

Callie is still confused. "What?" she asks, almost apologetically.

"Please don't feel like you can't touch me," Arizona pleads, eyes opening now and meeting Callie's again, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip to keep from crying further.

Those words being the only confirmation Callie needs, she quickly closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Arizona's bare waist, nuzzling her face into blonde hair, inhaling. Arizona exhales in relief, her hand falling from the wall, her body slumping into the one behind her, completely trusting Callie to hold her weight. Her eyes close of their own accord this time, arms coming to rest atop the ones covering her stomach.

She rests her head against Callie's, breathing out into her hair. "Thank you," she whispers brokenly. "Thank you."

Callie snuggles in closer, sighing, her heart breaking for her wife. "Arizona", she breathes, "what are you doing in here?"

Arizona sobs quietly, tears now running freely. "Just... I know it sounds stupid, but I'm just trying to get used to looking like this," she explains. "After they took my leg, I've never really, completely looked at myself. Neither have you."

Closing her eyes, Callie kisses blonde hair. Opening her eyes again, she looks at her naked wife in the mirror. "I haven't known how to look at you. What's okay, what isn't, and when."

"Callie, the truth is, last night was so amazing but I still don't feel sexy, at all. But I need you to look at me, especially if you find me sexy, even if it makes me uncomfortable."

"Okay," Callie says. "I know it doesn't matter what I say, it still won't change how you see yourself, but I really do think you are so beautiful, Arizona – still – and I need you to know that."

Smiling faintly, Arizona closes her eyes for a moment and says, "I do know that. Thank you."

Callie lets her fingers draw lazy patterns on the skin beneath them. "Do you want to go back to bed?"

Arizona nods slowly, eyes still closed. "In a minute."

Kissing a pale shoulder, Callie looks at her wife in the mirror. "Are you alright?" she whispers.

"Perfect."

"Okay," she mumbles against warm skin, still watching the other woman carefully.

"Callie?"

"Mm?"

"Sometimes I'm not going to want you to touch me," Arizona says, their eyes meeting again. "But sometimes I will want you to, sometimes I'll _really_ want you to. And, when I had both my legs, even then there were times that I didn't want you to touch me. And there are times that you don't want me to touch you. So, think of it as before. The only difference is now there are more reasons that I may not want to be touched, and it may happen more often. But Callie," she continues, then stops, sighing, eyes closing for a second. "Bottom line is, I love you, and I don't want you always keeping your guard up around me. We'll never be able to move forward."

"I understand, but I can't just act like nothing's changed, like–"

"No, that's not what I mean. What I mean is I need you to not always feel like you're doing something wrong when you're touching me. If I don't want you touching me, I'll tell you."

Callie contemplates that for a moment. "Okay," she says, nodding. "I can try to do that. But you have to understand what it's like for me when I touch you and you flinch, Arizona."

"I get it, but that's not because of you, it's-"

Slightly annoyed, Callie sighs. "I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier. I don't want to make you feel that way, don't you get that?"

Arizona squeezes Callie's lower arm. "I do, and I'm sorry about that. Can _you_ understand _me_?"

"Yes," she replies, "it's just hard. But I'll do my best, I promise."

Arizona smiles. "You always do."

Callie exhales and leaves a kiss on a pale shoulder. "I try."

Turning her head and kissing Callie's forehead, Arizona whispers, "Thank you for last night. I felt so safe."

Callie tilts her head up to meet pink lips. "You're welcome. It was amazing. I've missed sex with you," she says earnestly and then burrows her face into her wife's neck, letting her lips press against the warm skin there.

Arizona chuckles softly. "You have, have you?"

"I have."

"Me too."

And then for a long moment, they just stay.

"We should probably shower, by the way," Callie whispers.

"Mm-hm, we should also conserve water."

Callie's eyes narrow as she grins and looks at Arizona in the mirror. "Oh, you brilliant, brilliant mind."


End file.
